Coaxing my mother out of the bed that she hates and into a wheelchair (that she hates) is a tricky business. As much as she complains about the bed, she doesn’t see the point of getting out of it. The idea of being able to get out of the bedroom, let alone the apartment, is not a strong enough pull to counter the inertia of staying put. She was given a hospital issue, standard wheelchair, and complained that it is too uncomfortable to spend time in. I’ve tried it and I have to admit that comfy is not the word that comes to mind.

So I found the Cadillac of wheelchairs. It has a headrest and a footrest. It tilts back in a V so she can get pressure off her spine and not slide out. It has extra padding. And it is narrow enough to fit through most doorways. Huzzah! Miracle of miracles, she actually said it was comfortable. However, she still doesn’t really want to use it. If you spend all of your time in bed, you’re not going to feel great when you first sit up and shift your center of gravity. I keep waiting for her to reach her boredom limit, but am not sure anymore that there is one.

Another issue necessitating the chair is that she hadn’t had her hair washed in 6 months. No, I’m not exaggerating. She never even complained about it. This is a woman who was always impeccably dressed and coiffed, with never a hair out of place. Who is this person with filthy hair who spends all day in a bathrobe? The person I knew as my mother is dead and this is who has taken her place.

Prior to getting the feeding tube, her hairdresser would come over once in a while and wash her hair in the kitchen sink while she sat on a stool. It was a little bit of an ordeal, but manageable. The feeding tube made it impossible to do this, and after a disastrous attempt with her aide trying to hold her over the sink, she gave up. I tried to find a salon that caters to disabled people and, shockingly, such a thing doesn’t exist. I went online and found an inflatable basin and hanging water bag, meant to be used for washing hair in bed. She refused to try it. The situation was becoming desperate until, finally, the new wheelchair arrived and, with some creative jiggering, the blow up basin, a hanging bag of water and a plastic board, the aide was able to get her into the bathroom and tilted back over the sink. Whew. Next problem.