A dear friend of mine sent me a chain email for Mother’s Day. It was a letter from an aging mother to her daughter asking for understanding, patience and love in the face of the trials and tribulations of aging. It asked for the same loving support that was given to the daughter as she grew up. The mother concludes by saying that all she really wants is to be with her daughter and enjoy her company.  Well, that’s a lovely sentiment but, REALLY?

While the message was sweet in a sentimental, maudlin sort of way, and I know it was meant to inspire compassion, empathy and a sense of identification with both the mother and daughter, this idealized vision of the complex mother/daughter dynamic struck me as fantasy and made me feel in equal parts annoyed and sad. It made me mourn for a relationship that never existed.

I am an only child who is increasingly responsible for the care of a parent who, while she loves me deeply, can be stubborn, petulant, petty, manipulative, narcissistic, abusive and sometimes cruel.  And then she doesn’t remember any of it.  I am often torn between compassion for her ill health, loneliness and isolation, and rage at her bad behavior and unwillingness to take responsibility for improving her situation.

All of this ruminating led me to the creation of this Blog. It is no secret that there are enormous numbers of us who are either physically, financially or emotionally responsible for our elderly parents. There are growing mountains of advice and resources for caregivers, but very few outlets for venting the emotions of the outrageous, humorous, sad, ironic, frustrating, infuriating, painful and sometimes desperate situation we find ourselves in. I hope to provide a little laboratory of self-expression. Who knows what will bubble up? So bring it on. You are not alone.